Last year at this time, relations between my sister, myself, and my dad were probably at the lowest point they've ever been. Christmas hadn't exactly been much of anything special the year before... we don't really like to hang out as a family, so Christmas had mostly been just a get presents thing. It sounds bad, but we honestly didn't expect much gift-wise. That was just all our dad would do at the time and when we started having financial issues it left nothing at all. This season is supposed to be about being with family, giving and sharing love; all that generic great feeling stuff even if you don't adhere to a religion. But it would've been all too strange for him to start taking an interest in spending time with us.
Last year, though, we didn't do anything at all. No one in the house was willing to bring up the old Christmas tree and spend an hour or so decorating. I suppose we all thought, "What does it really mean? Why should I even bother?" We all knew that if anyone decided to bring it up, they'd be setting it up alone and probably taking it down alone in a week or so. There was no incentive for that. We know Christmas should have a higher meaning, but it's never existed really.
It kinda sucked. Not that we didn't have a tree up, but the whole situation really just beat it in that our family really doesn't... connect. Something we know and always avoid talking about. The lack of the tree that year, the easy to follow tradition that we had never once skipped on, was so very awkward.
I would have expected much of the same situation this year, but my dad having such a serious cancer issue changes things. Over the past few months, my father has, for the most part, been a lot more pleasant to deal with. It seems like he is making an effort to be civil, possibly to ensure that if he dies sooner than he'd like he doesn't leave on bad terms. We had a rather severe argument a few days ago, but it's been the only argument we've had in a while now. It was never resolved, but neither of us have brought it up since, and it's probably better that way. Realizing how short the time you have left with someone is puts things into a different perspective. It's difficult to bridge over a rift that's been untouched for years, but we're making an effort, him included, and that means a lot to me.
Things could always be worse. That's how I respond when people ask me how I am or some other filler question, "Could be worse."
Today, though, I feel like there's a type of progress being made. I hope there are others who can say the same about their own lives.
Merry Christmas to anyone reading this.
Also, thanks to Dashner for making me laugh:
