Christmas Again

To be honest, a few months ago I wasn't expecting much good out of the holiday season this year. It's never really been a special occasion with us, at least, not since my mother died. She went out of her way to decorate around and outside the house; lights everywhere, just as enthusiastic as she was for Halloween and other events. After she died, though, we never did more than put up a Christmas tree.

Last year at this time, relations between my sister, myself, and my dad were probably at the lowest point they've ever been. Christmas hadn't exactly been much of anything special the year before... we don't really like to hang out as a family, so Christmas had mostly been just a get presents thing. It sounds bad, but we honestly didn't expect much gift-wise. That was just all our dad would do at the time and when we started having financial issues it left nothing at all. This season is supposed to be about being with family, giving and sharing love; all that generic great feeling stuff even if you don't adhere to a religion. But it would've been all too strange for him to start taking an interest in spending time with us.

Last year, though, we didn't do anything at all. No one in the house was willing to bring up the old Christmas tree and spend an hour or so decorating. I suppose we all thought, "What does it really mean? Why should I even bother?" We all knew that if anyone decided to bring it up, they'd be setting it up alone and probably taking it down alone in a week or so. There was no incentive for that. We know Christmas should have a higher meaning, but it's never existed really.
It kinda sucked. Not that we didn't have a tree up, but the whole situation really just beat it in that our family really doesn't... connect. Something we know and always avoid talking about. The lack of the tree that year, the easy to follow tradition that we had never once skipped on, was so very awkward.

I would have expected much of the same situation this year, but my dad having such a serious cancer issue changes things. Over the past few months, my father has, for the most part, been a lot more pleasant to deal with. It seems like he is making an effort to be civil, possibly to ensure that if he dies sooner than he'd like he doesn't leave on bad terms. We had a rather severe argument a few days ago, but it's been the only argument we've had in a while now. It was never resolved, but neither of us have brought it up since, and it's probably better that way. Realizing how short the time you have left with someone is puts things into a different perspective. It's difficult to bridge over a rift that's been untouched for years, but we're making an effort, him included, and that means a lot to me.

Things could always be worse. That's how I respond when people ask me how I am or some other filler question, "Could be worse."
Today, though, I feel like there's a type of progress being made. I hope there are others who can say the same about their own lives.

Merry Christmas to anyone reading this.

Also, thanks to Dashner for making me laugh:

Musings on Religion

It seems to be a general consensus among the online communities I observe or take part in that religions are very unpopular and you are more likely to avoid conflict if you're an atheist. When I first started playing games online, I was around 11 years old and had never encountered anyone really being aggressive about their beliefs.  I wasn't forced to go to church, but I considered myself Christian at the time. No one had ever tried to tell me that Christianity was the only good religion, or in reverse that it was terrible.

When I started playing online, though, I noticed a difference.  It wasn't too often that I told people over the internet about my religion, of course, but making friends online occasionally leads to curious questioning, and I saw no reason to lie about it. I was surprised to see how hated Christianity was amongst most people I talked to at the time. Nearly every person I met while playing Warcraft III claimed to be atheist, and several of them found the need to insult me after asking if I believed in a god. 

I maintained my religious stance, however, and many of the people who I talked to online seemed surprised that I didn't care if someone had a different belief.  I remember one kid specifically saying he thought I was the only Christian he'd ever get along with. I really didn't understand why it was such a big deal since I had never met the people who go around trying to force their religion on you. Even now, I can only say I've encountered a small handful of people who act like that, whereas I've encountered many times more who blindly attack religion. [The popular argument that you have to be stupid to believe in some invisible deity watching over everything remains.]

Religion has been a big conflict starter throughout history, certainly, but it baffles me to see how so many people freak out over the issue still, whether in support of a certain belief or against one. Since I've pretty much been living socially online for a long time now, I've heard a lot of different viewpoints from a lot of different people.  My views have changed somewhat over the years. With something like religion, it's really impossible to prove your point to anyone else.  The primary basis of most religions is FAITH, and that's something that's impossible to give to someone.  [Because of this, I think organized religion is a bit silly.  It limits a person's exposure and often encourages false faith.] Still, I believe there's a god but I'm not going to claim to know anything about him, nor am I going to ask others to believe as I do.

It still bothers me a bit to see people attacking religion so harshly online, if only because they either think that they're better for not believing in anything or they think they've been wronged and deserve to be hostile to others because of it.

"You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut one's eyes tight or open one's arms wide, either way, one's a fool."  -Flemeth, Dragon Age: Origins