Christmas Again

To be honest, a few months ago I wasn't expecting much good out of the holiday season this year. It's never really been a special occasion with us, at least, not since my mother died. She went out of her way to decorate around and outside the house; lights everywhere, just as enthusiastic as she was for Halloween and other events. After she died, though, we never did more than put up a Christmas tree.

Last year at this time, relations between my sister, myself, and my dad were probably at the lowest point they've ever been. Christmas hadn't exactly been much of anything special the year before... we don't really like to hang out as a family, so Christmas had mostly been just a get presents thing. It sounds bad, but we honestly didn't expect much gift-wise. That was just all our dad would do at the time and when we started having financial issues it left nothing at all. This season is supposed to be about being with family, giving and sharing love; all that generic great feeling stuff even if you don't adhere to a religion. But it would've been all too strange for him to start taking an interest in spending time with us.

Last year, though, we didn't do anything at all. No one in the house was willing to bring up the old Christmas tree and spend an hour or so decorating. I suppose we all thought, "What does it really mean? Why should I even bother?" We all knew that if anyone decided to bring it up, they'd be setting it up alone and probably taking it down alone in a week or so. There was no incentive for that. We know Christmas should have a higher meaning, but it's never existed really.
It kinda sucked. Not that we didn't have a tree up, but the whole situation really just beat it in that our family really doesn't... connect. Something we know and always avoid talking about. The lack of the tree that year, the easy to follow tradition that we had never once skipped on, was so very awkward.

I would have expected much of the same situation this year, but my dad having such a serious cancer issue changes things. Over the past few months, my father has, for the most part, been a lot more pleasant to deal with. It seems like he is making an effort to be civil, possibly to ensure that if he dies sooner than he'd like he doesn't leave on bad terms. We had a rather severe argument a few days ago, but it's been the only argument we've had in a while now. It was never resolved, but neither of us have brought it up since, and it's probably better that way. Realizing how short the time you have left with someone is puts things into a different perspective. It's difficult to bridge over a rift that's been untouched for years, but we're making an effort, him included, and that means a lot to me.

Things could always be worse. That's how I respond when people ask me how I am or some other filler question, "Could be worse."
Today, though, I feel like there's a type of progress being made. I hope there are others who can say the same about their own lives.

Merry Christmas to anyone reading this.

Also, thanks to Dashner for making me laugh:

Screenshots #1; old TF2

I'm bored and the other posts I'm working on are taking too much thought to get done quickly, so here is a small post with some random screenshots. [I may at some point do a post with Fallout: New Vegas screenshots, as there are quite a few silly looking glitches to see in that game...]

I don't really take screenshots in TF2 anymore since I mostly just play 6v6, so these are old. Except Ricky's face at the end, anyway.

My internet disconnected; bearded spy is a creeper.

Me; looking pretty hot.*

He has plans for that sandvich.**

Soldier's face so good.

...? Old computer.

*Screenshot taken by Alex Wan. **Screenshot taken by Seraph.

Dragon Age [Rant]

Dragon Age: Origins; Dragon Age II [I know Kayl will read this.]

Alistair and the Warden* from DA:O

The more I think about it the more I realize that I actually prefer Dragon Age II to it's predecessor. It does, however, have some pretty notably flawed changes. For instance, the combat change that causes more enemies to fall from the sky randomly in undetectable waves instead of approaching believably from a respectable distance was stupid, in my opinion. The difficulty of the second game is generally lower than in Origins despite that, which is saddening because turning the combat difficulty up in DA2 makes the game ridiculous. The PC version also seems more console-styled (I think it's the difference in the way the camera behaves in combat?) than it did in Dragon Age: Origins; a fact which irritates me considerably, as I happen to have a strong dislike toward gaming consoles when compared to PCs. To some, the story line also appears more linear, but honestly I think it's no more linear than the first game. In Origins, you have the option to do the main quests in differing order, but you still have to do all of them, Dragon Age II just makes you do some of them in order since they are chronologically based.

Naturally, though, the second game has much improved graphics and, to a lesser extent, animations. [The base running animation for human females in DA:O looks very awkward, for example.] This is one of the defining reasons I am less likely to replay Origins again now; I feel comfortable replaying very old games with very unrealistic graphics, but Origins looked very nice when it came out, and still looks nice, but not nearly as nice as Dragon Age II does. The differences may be small, but they are noticeable after playing both games, and though Origins does not look bad at all, the fact that it's just slightly off from how Dragon Age II looks with the improvements is just enough of an annoyance when looking at my character to cause me to miss the second game's style. They also slightly changed the appearances of the other races (elves, qunari) and I think these changes actually make them more interesting. Another welcome change, in my opinion, is the fact that you can't simply flirt up a character and have them hopelessly in love with you over the course of a few days. It may be frustrating for some (I'm talking to you, Kayl) to have to play through the battles again to see the conversations and such, but it is timed more realistically and makes the scenes more worthwhile when you reach them. I do miss being able to have random conversations at any time, though; perhaps Bioware will add more of them into a new game.

Both games have great story lines and great characters with excellent dialogue and banter; it's a little difficult to chose a favourite on only these aspects. Dragon Age: Origins is a bit more like a typical fantasy RPG; the main character must defeat a great evil to save the land, etc, etc. It's done extremely well, of course, with high quality companions (Sten, Morrigan, Alistair...) and detailed lore for every faction and race. Dragon Age II, on the other hand, contains all the main conflict into one city. Hawke isn't saving an entire nation, just that city; and until a few majour quests, Hawke isn't even usually saving the entire city, just trying to improve his/her own life and often the lives of others in smaller ways. It's laced with increasing tension as it moves on until the conflict between the templars and the mages they watch over turns to outright war in the end.

After playing through both games multiple times, I can now say that I appreciate the conflict and story of Dragon Age II more than that of the first game. The connection with the main character's family is a lot stronger, and even incredibly important in some questlines. The companions aren't always all working toward the same goal in the end, and many of them don't get along well because their beliefs are too different; the banter between companions often shows their contrasting beliefs while retaining the humour established by the first game. The tension build up to the final quest is well done throughout the entire game, and the time skips involved actually make sense.

In addition to all of that, the conflict between the templars and the mages is more exciting and interesting to me than simply battling an evil archdemon and its army. I've always been a fan of magic; my first characters in both games were mages. The lore of magic in this game is particularly good. I'd say it's one of my favourite portrayals of magic in any fantasy series I've encountered. There were convincing reasons to feel drawn to both sides of the conflict, unlike the simple 'we have to kill the archdemon' mindset, which makes the choice at the end feel difficult even when you know which side you're going to help early on.

So despite the annoying changes, I still like the second game better, if only for the overall story and improved graphics. Both are still excellent RPGs, it's a shame some people attack the second game so harshly because it wasn't exactly like DA:O.

Bethany, Anders, Hawke*, and Varric in the Deeproads from DA2

"Now the battle awaits us. Na via lerno victoria. 'Only the living know victory.' Fight well." -Fenris; Dragon Age 2
*note that the Warden and Hawke are customizable characters n stuff

Music; Immersion

I don't often spend a lot of time looking up music randomly. In general, I end up listening to what my friends link me or decent songs I find in frag vids. Music in games, however, is different. If I play a game and liked it, I probably liked the music too. Often times I'll end up looking it up online at some point. Music can make or break a scene in an RPG, can be very memorable, particularly in an RPG.

The music can be a huge aspect of the immersion; sometimes not really evident until listening to the music outside of the game. I really appreciate it when a game has music that fits so well with a situation that it can really stand out and feel right when you hear it... I'm not sure how to describe what I mean by that, but the feeling is enough for me to say that the music is one of the most important parts of a game to me.

It's nice to go back and listen to music from a game I've beaten a while back. A lot of moments stand out to me because of the music more than anything else... Here's what I think of today...

Flying out of Ironforge into the snowy mountain regions... this was particularly strong for me when I first got the game and was amazed at the size of the world. It's impressive when you don't really know how to play well and you're just exploring; making a new character, perhaps. I'll always remember it for the feeling it gave me when I heard this song flying over the isolated mountains. (Dun Morogh - World of Warcraft)

Relaxing for a moment in camp, getting to know your party in between battles with the darkspawn.  The music is really peaceful, perfect for the private conversations; hearing Sten admit his respect for you, Morrigan's tales of being an apostate shapeshifter, Zevran's past, etc.  It's a short theme, but it works. (Camp Theme - Dragon Age: Origins)

Hearing this theme always made me proud of the Alliance; going through a lot of turmoil at the time, the Alliance was starting to show it's bad side more prominently. With humans acting on their greed more and more in the campaigns, the Horde was quickly looking to be the just side; to me, though, this song exemplifies the spirit and honour of the Alliance, despite the actions of some humans. (Human Theme - Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne)

Down to the final run, the suicide mission; realizing that you actually can have your team die after you've grown attached to them if you screw up your command. Then this music starts playing and it's about as serious as you can get in a video game full of aliens. Makes you feel pretty epic as you try to save everyone. (Suicide Mission - Mass Effect 2)

Everyone should know who Gordon Freeman is. And he has unlimited badass music following him around. This was one of my favourites from the Half-Life series. Shooting down gunships and all that. Science. (Kaon - Half-Life 2)

Inon Zur is amazing. When I first played this game, it was back when I lived in my basement. This was a game I would frequently stay up past 3 AM playing, obviously way before my current schedule started. (Because 3 AM is normal for any game with me now, it seems.) I would let the game sit on the main menu to hear this song play through. So honestly when I hear this song, I feel myself back in my basement with the lights off, mildly cold, but not uncomfortably so; I spent a lot of time down there, but this song makes me remember it the most. Maybe because basements and vaults are both underground? Seems legit. Regardless, the song is comforting to me for some reason. Really, all the music in this game is comforting to me, but the main theme moreso, I suppose. (Main Theme - Fallout 3)

That's all for today.
Edited 1/4/12 to fix broken link and add song titles to avoid confusion.

Science

science (sī'əns) n.
1. The observation, identification, description, experimental investigation, and theoretical explanation of phenomena.
2. Such activities restricted to explaining a limited class of natural phenomena.
3. Such activities applied to an object of inquiry or study.
4. Knowledge, especially that gained through experience.

Favourite Games

Some time ago, my brother made a post about his favourite games of all time. I've wanted to make a similar post since.

I've been playing a variety of games since I was very young, and they've had an incredible impact on my personality and outlook on things.  I'm a very story oriented individual when it comes to most games.  I really like to see things from the player character's perspective, have situations with believable reactions, and see other characters that evoke actual feeling, understanding or general empathy in some way. If I get attached to a character, the game is doing at least one thing right.

Mass Effect 1&2 (RANK 5)
I've always been a fan of space settings, watching old Star Trek and Stargate SG1 shows when I was younger might have encouraged that. Mass Effect creates a unique space setting, with a lot of detailed backstory and lore for the different races, planets, and future tech. I originally played Mass Effect 2 first, which was also a great game, but going back and playing the original really filled in the story for me. The facial expressions and general movement of the characters is also impressive, especially for how well the games run on poor computers. It's a nice change to see really nice graphics/animations after playing an extending session of Fallout: New Vegas.

World of Warcraft (RANK 4)
Though I no longer play the game, and no longer have any interest to do so, World of Warcraft was incredibly successful as a game and had a lot of potential at the start. With my gaming experience expanded since the time I played this game, I can say it probably wouldn't impress me the same way if I started playing now. Regardless, the game was the first MMORPG I encountered and I remember being amazed at the size of the world; on my first character the game really seemed incredible. Starting as Night Elves, my friend and I ran around exploring instead of questing. The game certainly isn't difficult, and is even less so now, but I have fond memories of charging straight into Lake Al'Ameth and running away from the mobs 5 levels higher than us.
Near the end of my WoW run, I primarily spent my time seeking out world PvP.  I found it more exciting and unpredictable than the instanced battlegrounds that had been introduced. I never really got into raiding, however, which is the primary aspect of the endgame. My sister still plays this game, so I frequently hear about the direction it's taking. A lot of the changes seem more disappointing than anything else, but I haven't played recently enough to judge accurately.
Even now, though, this music still gets to me.

Planescape: Torment (RANK 3)
Planescape: Torment was released in 1999, and thus the graphics are quite outdated, but I was recommended this game by a friend with pretty good taste and decided to look into it anyway. Probably the best decision I've made this year, no understatement. I was completely blown away by the story of this game; I stopped playing all other games until I had completed this one. This game places priority on dialogue rather than combat, which is an aspect I greatly approve of.  The theme was a bit dark, and I was surprised at how creepy a few key points in the story managed to seem with their limited graphics. The writing and music were both amazing. Some of the dialogue was so well done that I remember long, exact quotes easily; the final segment of the game in particular had one of the most intense and perfectly timed lines I have seen in any form of media ever.

Fallout: New Vegas (RANK 2)
If there's an RPG I will never get bored of, it's Fallout: New Vegas. Pretty much the same graphically as Fallout 3, I greatly enjoyed both games but New Vegas has a bit of a higher appeal to me.  That's not to say that Fallout 3 has it's moments of superiority, but in general, the New Vegas atmosphere is a bit more fun. The companion characters are more in depth, particularly Boone and Arcade. The DLCs, particularly Lonesome Road, really add to the depth of the player character and his or her actions on the world in general.  I will admit that the primary questline feels less personal in New Vegas, but it still gives the feeling of importance. Honestly, I'm quite enthralled by the post-apocalyptic setting. Fallout does an excellent job of seeming just realistic enough to let the player feel the desolation of the world mixed with the New Vegas strip's vice-filled philosophy. I've played the game through six times now, and I'm quite a bit into the game on a seventh character, and I still discover new things each time. With the modding community adding even more content and customization, this game really just won't get old to me. [Excepting the possibility of a new Fallout game, perhaps.] This game places higher on my list than Planescape only because of it's replay value.

Team Fortress 2 (RANK 1)
Predictably my favourite game, I've just passed the 3000 hour mark for time spent in this game. TF2 is the first online fps game I really got involved with. Character development and story is usually such a big importance for me to spend a lot of time in a game, but when someone showed me the Meet the Class videos I absolutely had to play the game. It was a good introduction to the fps genre to me; the character personality and silliness of the game was very appealing, and the experience allows me to pick up other fps games at significantly less disadvantage. There's no other fps game where you can run at another player with a saw and yell, "I REQUIRE ASSISTANCE" with voice commands.
The amount of friends I've made through this game is a strong reason I keep playing. I've had the game for more than a year and a half, and I've known some of my online friends for over a year because of this game, several of which I talk to very frequently still. Valve does a pretty good job keeping the game updated and interesting, and it's even free-to-play, now.
This is the only game I've gotten into a competitive scene for, which has been another great experience. Though playing in pubs can be fun, it's exciting to play for a team where everyone is actively working together and communicating efficiently.
Also, hats.

So those are pretty much my favourite games.  Honourable mentions include: Fable, The Civilization series, Master of Orion II, Warcraft III, and Dragon Age: Origins.

"Throughout history, men have worn hats as a way of showing how much better they are than other men. "I buy hats," a behatted man seems to say. "I am better than you!"" -Classless Update; TF2

Musings on Religion

It seems to be a general consensus among the online communities I observe or take part in that religions are very unpopular and you are more likely to avoid conflict if you're an atheist. When I first started playing games online, I was around 11 years old and had never encountered anyone really being aggressive about their beliefs.  I wasn't forced to go to church, but I considered myself Christian at the time. No one had ever tried to tell me that Christianity was the only good religion, or in reverse that it was terrible.

When I started playing online, though, I noticed a difference.  It wasn't too often that I told people over the internet about my religion, of course, but making friends online occasionally leads to curious questioning, and I saw no reason to lie about it. I was surprised to see how hated Christianity was amongst most people I talked to at the time. Nearly every person I met while playing Warcraft III claimed to be atheist, and several of them found the need to insult me after asking if I believed in a god. 

I maintained my religious stance, however, and many of the people who I talked to online seemed surprised that I didn't care if someone had a different belief.  I remember one kid specifically saying he thought I was the only Christian he'd ever get along with. I really didn't understand why it was such a big deal since I had never met the people who go around trying to force their religion on you. Even now, I can only say I've encountered a small handful of people who act like that, whereas I've encountered many times more who blindly attack religion. [The popular argument that you have to be stupid to believe in some invisible deity watching over everything remains.]

Religion has been a big conflict starter throughout history, certainly, but it baffles me to see how so many people freak out over the issue still, whether in support of a certain belief or against one. Since I've pretty much been living socially online for a long time now, I've heard a lot of different viewpoints from a lot of different people.  My views have changed somewhat over the years. With something like religion, it's really impossible to prove your point to anyone else.  The primary basis of most religions is FAITH, and that's something that's impossible to give to someone.  [Because of this, I think organized religion is a bit silly.  It limits a person's exposure and often encourages false faith.] Still, I believe there's a god but I'm not going to claim to know anything about him, nor am I going to ask others to believe as I do.

It still bothers me a bit to see people attacking religion so harshly online, if only because they either think that they're better for not believing in anything or they think they've been wronged and deserve to be hostile to others because of it.

"You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut one's eyes tight or open one's arms wide, either way, one's a fool."  -Flemeth, Dragon Age: Origins

PC Gaming; Digital Retail

My best friend works at a Gamestop.

Gamestop is a place that appeals to the console gaming crowd, and I used to argue with my friend about PC being superior and such. [I've gotten her to agree that the FPS genre will always be better with a keyboard+mouse than any console controller, at least. I don't necessarily hate other styles on console, I just don't like the controllers.] Occasionally we end up hanging around the Gamestop while she picks up/returns a game or talks to one of the managers for some reason or another.  I've been there enough times to make an impression on a few of her co-workers.

It's a mostly positive impression, actually. Possibly due to entering the store while wearing a DBZ shirt and transformers icon necklace. I was pretty clear about my stance on PC games, however, and they seemed to think I was just misinformed. One of the managers told me that PC gaming was dying and that Steam was probably going to bust sooner rather than later.  I thought he was completely wrong, of course, but without having done any research I couldn't commit to a debate.

Most of the games I own are owned on Steam.  PC games aren't really sold in retail stores much anymore, it's almost entirely digital. Looking into any game store you'll see that the PC sections are almost non-existent; the Gamestop my friend works at has a single rack for PC games, and it's almost all World of Warcraft copies. After looking into the situation a bit, I can see why the Gamestop manager seems to think PC gaming is dying.  The strong digital retailers (Steam, Origin, etc.) apparently do not release their sale information, meaning all PC sale information is based on normal retail sales. It would make it look like PC games aren't selling, but it's only because they're being sold digitally instead.

Selling games digitally has some pretty huge advantages. Steam, for example, has huge sales around holidays and is generally cheaper than buying a console game at Gamestop normally.  A minor example it may be, but when my friend went to buy one of the Fallout: New Vegas DLCs it was $5 more expensive than the price on Steam when I got it (without any special sale going on).  Considering that Fallout: New Vegas has at least 4 majour DLCs out, the extra cost starts adding up.

Despite the sometimes lower price, digital sales earn more money for the people actually making the games. Steam takes the same retail cut that companies like Gamestop do, but the digital transaction prevents money being used on shipping games and making CDs. It is also worthy to note that used game sales are a large portion of Gamestop's business, and these sales provide absolutely no profit to the game developers. 

My point with this is not to say that console games are completely terrible and that I wish they didn't exist, but I do believe that console gaming will eventually switch to primarily digital retailing for their sales and that PC gaming is definitely not dying.  Also Steam is pretty amazing, even when randomly disconnecting me from chat several times in the same day. :|

"The illusion that PC games have shrunk in size is just that because there's a lot more digital and online gaming now…a lot more online sales, a lot of opportunity in the social space, the browser space, and the light massively multiplayer online space. I think there are different flavors of games in all the territories, but in all of them, the PC market is pretty vibrant, and I see it as a really exciting opportunity."
- Dr. Ray Muzyka, BioWare cofounder; this quote and other information found here.

Origins

I've been intending to make a blog for some time now, partly because I have a lot of spare time and partly because my brother expressed interest in reading it... So yes, I've finally gotten around to making one.  I doubt I'll often write about much more than my gaming interests, but we'll see, I suppose.

Origins::
In the online world, I generally go by "The Overseer", a name taken as a reference to the Overseer in Fallout 3.  It was sometime in my first week of playing Team Fortress 2 that I decided to change my Steam name; previously it was RedSpiderDance.  I may have stuck with my original name, but I wanted to avoid using anything with red or blue mentioned since TF2's teams are represented by those colours.  I had just beaten Fallout 3 for the third or fourth time when I got TF2, so it was still fresh in mind.  Perhaps at another time I would have chosen a different name for myself, but it would have been annoying to have a name change when I had already become known by the people on the server I frequented at the time.  I've grown quite fond of being The Overseer, anyway; to the point where I usually identify the term 'Overseer' as more feminine than masculine.

Before my Team Fortress 2 days, my online gaming was not very diverse.  I primarily stuck to Warcraft III and GunBound, both incredibly fun games, until I got into World of Warcraft. On Battle.net for Warcraft III, I had several screen names, the first one being 'Asharii', the name of a character I invented that I drew frequently with my school friends.  In World of Warcraft my main was a Night Elf druid, also named Asharii.  I preferred to stick to a healing role as a druid, but I remember being incredibly happy to get cat form at level 20. (Cats are awesome.)  I played on both RP and PvP servers, depending on which friend I was playing with.  I pretty much stopped playing WoW as soon as I got Steam/TF2, but my younger sister still plays. (Maining a Dwarf Shaman and NE Druid, I believe.)

More recently, I've been playing more online games, but TF2 is still my primary focus.  I've taken on another alias, "The Lemonade" which was sort of unintentional, but now I switch my name on Steam on occasion.  With my computer's functional state degrading, I've been playing more League of Legends than TF2 lately, but I should be upgrading my computer at some point in the near future.

Computer upgrades are the best upgrades.